We are all inclined to gravitate towards the things in life that speak to us; speak to our hearts, speak to our minds, our bodies and our spirits. Some inclinations are stronger than others. For instance, the inclination to mother a child of a certain gender. Now when we talk about gender here, we are references the sex designated to children at birth. Some soon to be parents desperately want a boy. This was especially true in China. Since 1979 and for decades following, China implemented a one-child policy. This meant that each married couple or household could only bare one child. The government set this policy in place in an attempt to control over populating the country and food scarcity. Most Chinese families favored having boys over girls because it was assumed boys could carry on the family name, better maintain the family inheritance, and presumably help extend the family wealth. As a result many young girls were given up for adoption because of this son preference, or even worse.
This is by far the most extreme case scenario when it comes to gender disappointment, but one example we use to note how ridiculous it sounds to have such strong reactions to discovering your child is a different gender than the one you had anticipated. However, big feelings surrounding the sex of your child can totally arise. You are allowed to feel how you feel. The most important thing for you to do is to love your child unconditionally no matter if you’re having a boy or a girl. Motherhood may look different for sure, but sometimes we just need to focus on how to raise the best human possible and find our path to enjoying the journey no matter what.
Maybe you wanted a girl so you could play in her hair, share clothes, go to the nail salon and talk about feminism. Being a boy mom doesn’t mean you won’t be able to do any of these things, because who says you can’t raise feminist boys?! Or maybe you too had a strong son preference. A girl can carry a family name if she wants to, she can also become a boss, maintain the family inheritance and expand the family wealth if you raise her right! Perception is everything. Sometimes we need to adjust our expectations to avoid disappointment. And if disappointment does settle in, just remember its ok, you’ll figure out how to be the best mother to that child no matter what. You’re here, aren’t you?! That’s a great start.
