Preparing An Older Sibling For A New Baby

Preparing An Older Sibling For A New Baby

When I told my two year old she was going to be a big sister soon, she jumped for joy. She seemed to grasp the concept that there would be a new little baby in the house soon, at least in the moment. Over the course of the next few months, however, we noticed some behavioral changes in her that required attention and a little extra TLC. For starters, when the nanny would arrive she would suddenly burst into tears or throw herself onto the floor upset and crying. This was a stark difference from how she used to act whenever our nanny started work each day. She went from running jumping hugs into her arms to hiding her joy, often times burring her her face into my person at the thought of having to leave me. It slowly begin to dawn on me that what she was trying to convey. She was upset that solo time with Mommy was coming to an end for the morning, that she would be whisked off onto the next task with a person not the one she desired more to be with. On a deeper level, I believe she was concerned Mommy time was precious and would dwindle over time even more with another child in the house.

Now that we knew what was causing her meltdowns when the nanny would arrive we could address things more accordingly. I would allocate my entire mornings to her. I would wake up a few minutes before she did each day, have a quick shower and put on some house clothes so by the time I got to her I had already eliminated a step that would surely take my attention away. The second thing I did was include her in breakfast prep. We began using the Montessori method around this time to help assist Mommy. This meant allowing for minor food prep and involvement from her little perch at the counter. She really loves this time with me and I enjoy seeing her glee every morning when we make pancakes or slice up some fruit together. She’s usually just rearranging things and eating the day’s bounty. Totally fine. As long as she’s happy, I’m happy.

One of the other things I’d do with her in the mornings now that I knew she wanted more Mommy time was I’d get her fully ready myself. Before I’d let the Nanny handle all those duties simply because she was better at doing things like styling her hair. I made a concerted effort to improve my hair styling skills like learning how to braid and lay edges. Ha! I have to laugh now, because as a black woman I should’ve known these things already, but no. At last, though, I was styling my own daughter’s hair every single morning. She was allowed to pick out her own outfit for the day, Mommy would simply help her put it on, something the Nanny didn’t do with her. Overall, I just tried my hardest to make her the most important person on the planet every day, especially in the mornings. If she just wanted my hugs fresh out the crib, if we just sat and embraced on the bed for 10 minutes before we did anything else she seemed more calm and best pleased. I’d let her rub my belly and say “good morning” to her little brother growing in my belly as a small reminder another baby is still very much on the way.

The takeaway here is if your family is expanding prepare for the unexpected with your older child/children. Pivot where you see adjustments need to be made and be gracious, with yourself and with them. Things take time and the concept of a new child can be exciting while also daunting for younger children. If your child wants more one on one time do your best to give it to them. Even if your schedule only permits and extra 30 minutes in the evenings or mornings, try your best to appease them. Kids are far more perceptive to things than we give them credit for. Listen closely to their needs and surround them with love during this time of transition. They will appreciate you so much more in the long run and you will avoid a potential chaotic environment once the new little one arrives. Wishing you all the best on your parenting journeys. Just know, you’re doing great!